FRED'S BLOG

What Do You Bring To A Relationship?

Posted: 2010-07-19 13:58:52

We all have our lists of what we want to see in another individual. Sometimes these lists are rather general such as being interested in someone who is kind, sensitive, successful or loyal. People whose lists have a lot of generalities are more apt to let their experiences tell them if they are with the right person. But, many other people have lists that are brutally specific and, actually, downright demanding, and they will never have any experiences with you if your answers don't satisfy them. 

I have met men who "needed" to find a woman with a certain cup size, height, hair color, age or weight. Correspondingly, I've met women who were quite specific of wanting a man who owned a home in certain neighborhoods, drove a luxury automobile, could lavish them with gifts, trips and shopping sprees, had his own hair, and was a stylish dresser. These people walk away a lot faster when some of their "must haves" are quickly found to be absent. 

Actually, and fortunately, most of us are blends of the two. We all have some hard, fast prerequisites, while at the same time leaving ourselves open to how we might feel about someone after having some personal experiences with them.

I've never had a problem with people consciously thinking out what they might want or not want in a partner. I respect those who have given this serious thought, and really know what they want. On a healthy, reasonable basis this saves everyone time and needless effort. But, unfortunately, when some of these list items become more like a demand than a wish, when the "bar" is set, perhaps, unreasonably high, there is a greater chance for disappointment and frustration for everyone.

I’ve met many people who have stories about being “qualified” hard and fast. Most people don’t like it, even the ones who are doing it to others. Awhile back I dated a woman a few times in one week. We really seemed to hit it off... Read more