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It Is The Best Of Times, It Is The Worst Of Times

To paraphrase Charles Dickens, “It is the best of times, it is the worst of times.”  If you have your health and vigor it is certainly the best of times. If you are financially challenged during this horrible economic period, you may feel it is the worst of times.

Many single boomer men have a dilemma. At this stage, they would like to have the life that they once imagined, that they once worked so hard to achieve. But, who could possibly foretell the devastation to one’s personal wealth that this “depression” would cause so many. 

I know men who have lost their long term jobs, closed their businesses, have seen their 401 K plans drop 40% almost overnight, and had their equity in real estate investments dissipate before their eyes. With all of this, can a boomer man afford to date, travel and entertain like he once did?

This is a depressing situation at any time, but even more so as we enter the latter stages of our lives. Most of us have had to make compromises in our spending habits. If your assets are less, if your income has taken a major hit, any sane man would have to make adjustments. First, men need to take care of their necessities, those costs, fixed and variable, that must be covered each month. Then they can think about what they might want to do with what is left over….if there is anything left over.

I know men who are quite hard pressed to even cover those necessities. So, can a social life, involving the expenditure of funds that are not available, even exist?  There’s the problem. For, we all need to have a release, an escape, some joy to offset the difficult, trying experiences that so many of us face, almost daily, in our businesses and investments.

Men, historically, more than women, have identified themselves strongly through their work. Their self esteem, pride in being a man, has so often been dependent on how well they did their jobs or ran a business or a profession. Men always want to think that they are at least equal to their peers, if not far better.

How destructive have these times been to men’s egos? It’s bad enough to be crushed financially. It’s another matter to think of oneself as being a failure, incompetent, or simply less than others. At this time in one’s life these feelings can be emotionally devastating.

My thinking is that men need to keep their heads up high, be creative, confident, pro-active and tireless. They need the support and camaraderie of their families, friends, and maybe, if they are very fortunate, a female romantic interest who gets what is really important in a relationship, and is prepared to be there for that special guy.

Times will change. Fortunes can be resuscitated. But, it takes courage and faith and, hopefully, the understanding of others. One would never wish for these times, but now that we are in them, perhaps we can see a silver lining. 

I’ve often believed that friendships are rarely tested. Those who we think we can depend upon when times are good might not be there for us when times are bad. It’s much easier for relationships to do well when financial positions are not jeopardized. It’s more challenging to see how they fair when they are.

Perhaps these times will more accurately help tell us who and what we can count on. Maybe the relationships, whether friendships or romantic interests, that are steadfast or blossom during these times will prove to be the most sustainable and successful in the future.