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Asking Out A Mutual Friend

Topic: Relationships

Renee Piane (Click on authors name for bio)

Posted: Friday, April 15th 2011

I'm very fond of a particular woman who also happens to be my hairstylist. About three weeks ago, I caught her completely off-guard when I asked her out. The problem is that she also happens to be my ex-girlfriend's hairstylist, so she told me that she didn't want to "look bad." Her final reply was, "I better not, we should wait."

Now, I'm fine with rejection, but really, what kind of answer was that? It seems very ambiguous. What's encouraging is that I kept getting "green light" signals after I asked her out -- serious eye contact and big smiles. She also became very nervous around me and I've never seen her like that.

I am going to see her again next week and I don't know what my next move should be. Should I just drop it or continue to pursue her?


Dear Jeremy,

Since hairdressers are like therapists, she more than likely knows about your particular breakup and has heard all the "dirty little details." Even though she and your ex may not be close friends, there is a sacred bond of confidentiality in their relationship.

She may feel a loyalty to her client and is uncomfortable because your breakup is recent and, of course, she sees your ex every six to eight weeks. Thus she has to decide if she wants to take the chance and date you and possibly lose a client, not to mention hurt someone who has confided in her. She already knows you like her... but her answer makes it clear that now is not the time -- so drop it.

It appears from the green light signals that she is attracted to you, yet she also feels uncomfortable because of the relationship she has developed with your ex. So the next time you see her, do not put any pressure on her about dating, but do maintain the friendship. Let some time pass and express your interest by sending her signals with no words -- eye contact, sexy smiles and confidence.

Be cool and patient, and as time passes she will have the option of pursuing you. If you rush it, she may back off and you'll end up putting a stop to something that never really got off the ground. In the meantime, date other women, have fun and flirt with life! There are so many available women looking for love, so don't waste time in a situation that could frustrate you and tie up the energy you should be expending on someone else.


Renee Piane is an internationally known dating coach and President of RapidDating.com

Renee@LoveMechanics.com | www.RapidDating.com

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