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APPROACH MISTAKE #1: Trying to be "friends first" with women.

One of the things I saw myself doing, and I later saw in many other guys, was that we men are so ashamed to show our interest in a woman for fear of being rejected that we'd try to camouflage and hide it behind a false pretense.

The only way we could walk up and talk to a woman was if we convinced ourselves (and the woman) that we weren't doing it for the need to "pickup" on her, or "hit on" her.

It's a fear that I call the fear of being "found out..."

Have you ever used this line on a woman:

"Hey, can you tell me what time it is?"

I have. It was the only way I could get myself to talk to some women.

You may have used that line to just do SOMETHING instead of sit there. But then you have to figure out how to follow that one up, don't you?

What do you say next when she says: "Oh, it's 3:45..." (?)

And so we learned that the "What time is it?" trick wouldn't get us far.

So by trying to be "friends first" with a woman, we think we're actually answering her request. After all, don't most women say they want to be "friends first" before anything else?

But the problem with this is that what a woman is really saying is actually much more complicated, and it wasn't until after I'd talked with a hundred or so women about this, and dug deep to find out what was really happening that I was able to interpret this...

Here's what a woman is really saying when she says: "I want to be friends first..." I'm going to warn you that this is something that almost NO guy out there knows, so keep this information to yourself. You'll cook a lot of brain cells if you try to explain it to a guy who is caught up in his "wussy" ways.

Here's the translation of what she's REALLY saying:

"I want to give you the impression that we need to be friends first so I can see how you'll react to me when I say this.

"If you act frustrated or angry, I'll know that you really only wanted me for one thing, and you couldn't appreciate me as a human being with feelings.

"On the other hand, if you don't react to this and simply demonstrate that you're a confident and sexual man - and act like I'm the sexual woman that I am - I'll want to be much more than just 'friends first.'"

You see, by trying to sneak in the back door of "friends first," you wind up destroying her attraction for you, and it's because you end up WIMPING OUT.

The bigger reason for this is because you were seeking her acceptance and approval before you took action. Almost like you were looking for permission.

After years of learning what it takes to get women genuinely interested in men, and finding out what they were really looking for, I can boil almost all of the problems guys have into this one thing:

Neediness.

You see, most shy guys like us have a need inside to feel accepted by a woman. That we're approved of in her eyes.

I'm sure there's some great psycho-babble out there about how this relates to your 'inner child,' but it doesn't help you learn how to approach women with confidence, so let's leave that out for now...

What women see when a guy tries this friends-first thing is a guy who is saying: "Please-oh-please... Will you approve of me?"

A woman's mind is hard-wired to mistrust a guy who needs her approval, because she wants to know that when push comes to shove, he will be able to point the way.

She wants to feel SAFE around him. And a BIG part of feeling safe for a woman is knowing that she will not be the man in the relationship.

This may sound a bit obvious, but I need to say this for you to really understand:

"Women are not attracted to approval-seeking behavior..."

It's actually repulsive to them. As in: "I just saw naked pictures of my grandma" repulsive.

Yeah, THAT bad.

(This friends-first thing is also what triggers the "Nice Guy" syndrome, by the way.)

Let's move on to the next mistake...

APPROACH MISTAKE #2: Trying to Come up With a Perfect "pickup line" - or Some Other Clever and Impressive Way to Get Her Interested in You...

When I first got started learning how to approach women, I thought it was the first thing you say to a woman that makes her interested in you or not. I thought I had to make this original presentation right up front. I figured you had one chance to make a really big impression on her, or you lost her interest.

What I found in reality is something COMPLETELY different.

The first think you say is actually the LEAST important thing. I found some great conversational openers that would work ALL the time - no chance of rejection.

Here's the amazing fact that most guys don't know:

The most important thing when you approach a woman is not what you first say, it's how sincere and believable you communicate yourself behind those words.

For example, here's one of the openers I use, and other guys I've taught use this almost without fail:

"Hi, I hope you don't mind, but I don't have a clever pickup line. I just wanted to come over and say hello. My name is..."

Read that over again, because the power of what that opening "line" does is incredible.

Let's review what this communicates:

•It immediately shows that you're aware of the "game" being played, and you are smarter...

•It shows that you're not afraid to talk to women about what really matters - and you're sincere right from the start...

•It shows that you are not trying to hide your interest or try to sneak in through the back door of being "friends."
In evolutionary terms, most of your brain evolved to do one task: We need to be able to figure out if someone is being REAL with us. SINCERE.

Truthful.

Because without that basic requirement, any relationship you have based on mistrust or insincerity could cost you.

It all starts with sincerity, which is something women can sense from you within the first few minutes (sometimes SECONDS) of conversation.

And that's why you can't fall into the trap of using phony lines or made-up stories to attract women when you approach, because they'll figure it out no matter how great a "pickup artist" you are.

That's why I created my REAL Game openers to help you be REAL and authentic with women - AND get results.

You never need to lie to attract women.

In fact, another thing I discovered was that instead of trying to find the perfect line or impressive approach, the most successful technique to approach women is simply NOT messing it up!

APPROACH MISTAKE #3: Not having some techniques and tools - a utility belt - to help you.

One of the most important things I observed as I learned how to approach women and get rid of the fear and anxiety was to watch other guys and learn from their mistakes.

I learned A LOT from them. (Thanks, guys...)

And one thing I saw that completely floored me was the fact that guys who were actually relaxed and comfortable with walking up and approaching women were crashing and burning ALL THE TIME.

These guys had what I would have killed to get (I ended up not having to kill for it, luckily...) and they were still messing up their approaches with women.

And then I saw what it was...

These guys had warmth, almost no fear approaching women, but they were missing out on the most important thing...

After I figured it out, I wanted to get some business cards made up with the reason for their failure in big letters on it so I could just hand them out when I saw it happening.

"What Is The One Reason That Most Guys Fail When They Approach Women?"

They had no SYSTEM for what to say, and when to say it.

There was no plan.

No one goes in and tries to put up a building without a blueprint, and you can't afford to go into an interaction with a woman without one, either.

It's vitally important that you know what words work and which ones don't to get women to talk to you, open up to you, trust you, give you her number, get a date with her, and so on.

I'll come back to this after the last mistake...

APPROACH MISTAKE #4: Not qualifying the woman.

Qualifying is the process of figuring out if a woman meets YOUR criteria and requirements, which is something that most guys do not do.

After all, they're in such a hurry to try and hook her in that they aren't thinking about whether they should even want this woman in their life in the first place. They're coming from the DEMAND side of the equation, instead of being the supply she wants so badly.

Think about this for a second, and really take a moment to reflect on your own experience here. Don't you usually go up to a woman thinking about how you can get her to want you? Or how you can show her or prove your value?

Well, a woman needs to do this for you.

The first reason is that when you qualify the woman, she will find you a hundred times more attractive than the other ten guys who tried to buy her a drink in the last ten minutes.

The second reason is that you really do need to feel as if she has something to prove to you.

APPROACH MISTAKE #5: Not having an exit strategy.

When you meet a woman, you need a good plan to get into a conversation first, but you also need a good plan for leaving when things are at a high point.

Have you ever had a great conversation going, but you didn't know how to transition out of it into getting contact information? And you find yourself afraid to end the conversation, and it starts to fizzle out.

Before you lose all that effort, you need to use an "auto-save" feature on your approaches.

You need to have a good idea of when, how, and what to say to leave the conversation with either her phone number or an email address.

(An email address is often a better alternative to a phone number because she will need less trust to give you it. Just be sure you write it down carefully!)

Of course, when you're finishing up the conversation, you are also likely to make another mistake...

Carlos Xuma

http://www.datingdynamics.com