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Girlfriend Humor

Topic: Singles Humor

Author:
Fred Gansky (Click on authors name for bio)

Posted: Thursday, January 15th 2009

Thanks to LA Singles Society member, Yardley Sculley, for the following contribution:


My girlfriend sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And that’s when the fight started...

 

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

My girlfriend was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming  1st anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And that’s when the fight started...

 

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

When I got home last night, my girlfriend demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And that’s when the fight started...

 

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

I took my girlfriend to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And that’s when the fight started...

 

------------ --------- --------- ---

 

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her boyfriend,

                                                         'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that’s when the fight started.....

 

------------ --------- --------- ------

 

I tried to talk my girlfriend into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that’s when the fight started....

 

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

 

My girlfriend asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and that’s when the fight started.....

 

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------

 

I asked my girlfriend, "Where do you want to go for 6th month anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

 
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------

 
My girlfriend and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

 

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